Thoughts on maternity cloths...

 

For Christmas this year, I received a visa gift card. I wasn’t sure what to spend it on but I knew that I needed some new cloths that would fit me in the coming months. Most of my jeans are too tight but most of my shirts still fit me pretty good because they all stretch. I have one pair of jeans that fit perfect still. A few pairs I totally grew out of and a very few that I can wear but I am using a hair tie to keep the button closed. I loop the hair tie through the hole and tighten it then loop that one piece around the button and whalah! Jeans that fit! That only gets you by for so long though.  I have used the bellybands before. The “strap” of fabric that goes around your hips to keep your pants up when they aren’t buttoned, or zipped sometimes, but I always got mad because when I sat down, they would roll up. Therefore, I had to keep adjusting them. Adjusting my pants, the band, my shirts…UGH! Not worth it!

In my quest for maternity clothes that were affordable, I went to about a million websites. Now, either I’m cheap or frugal, but all of the websites charged way more than I wanted to pay. However, there were a few sites that had really good deals and I will list those:

www.zulily.com – I got a great pair of maternity pants for $17 that fit PERFECT and when I tried them on, they didn’t even look like maternity jeans. Very stylish and comfortable.

www.Target.com – There were a lot of overpriced things here, however I scored a great maternity/nursing top on clearance for $7 and a nursing bra that I did pay almost $25 for. This is a little steep if you ask me but I knew a nursing bra would be and this one had a ton of great reviews.

www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com – Had the best deals. I could have shopped till I dropped. Everything was super cheap and cute. I ended up buying two pairs of maternity jeans, maternity yoga pants, and three maternity shirts and paid about $100. The only thing that was somewhat weird was sizing. The pants I got from Zulily were a size M, so I got a size M from Burlington, but both pairs ended up being a bit baggy. I’ll have to return them and get a small or I know I won’t be comfortable in them and thus, I won’t wear them.

I think that’s a lot of cloths for not very much money. I’m happy, I just wish those two pairs of jeans fit but that’s an easy fix. I didn’t end up getting any nursing tank tops. It was on my list of things I wanted. So, like I do with everything else, I looked up reviews for the best nursing tanks and the top three out there costs between $40 and $70. WOW!!! I’m used to going to Kohl’s and getting a SO… brand tank top for under $5. I mean, I know it’s a bit too early to worry about nursing cloths but I like to have all my p’s and q’s in line way before baby arrives. I’m about 19 weeks along so, half way. By 30 weeks, I don’t want to have to buy a single thing. I want to have anything all ready because you never know what could happen and I want to be prepared. Anyway, I know some clever ways to nurse wearing (some kinds) of regular cloths and I plan on buying one of those nursing covers you wear in public. This baby will be born in the start of summer and if you know me, I wear a lot of cami’s (tank tops) in the summer time. So, I have to have some that make it easy to nurse in. This gave me the idea, “How hard can it possibly be to make one?” I already have a million cami’s. Therefore, that’s what I set out to do tonight, make one of my cheap Kohl’s brand (So…) cami’s into a nursing cami. And…I think it may be a success. So, I decided to post what I did.

·         The reason I chose the Kohl’s brand, SO… cami’s is because they are very stretchy, comfortable and come in a million colors. Top it off, they are super cheap!

#1 First thing I did was to lay my cami flat out.

#2 Next, I cut the strap totally off in the back.

#3 In front, I cut off all but about 2-3 inches.

#4 I then looped that 2-3 inches of strap behind the front of the cami and sewed it in place really good. Of course, I did this on both sides.

#5 Then, I unhooked the nursing bra and slid the loops I made, over the clasp. (The unhook part that comes down when you breast feed) -i should have adjusted that green strap before i took the photo-

#6 Here is what the finished product looks like and what it would look like if you were to take it off to breast feed. Of course, I didn’t want to show my boob…but you get the picture.

In my experience, you don’t have to buy a bunch of maternity clothes. A few staples? Yes! Jeans are a must, new comfortable bra’s and undies a must. Most shirts however will stretch with you. And if you still want something new, you can find some real deals at second hand clothing stores (such as Playdoughs closet). It is fun to buy some new shirts though, if they are reasonably priced. I personally love the maternity shirts with side runching. Those always make the belly look super cute.

Anyway, I’m pretty good on maternity clothes. Nursing tops are not something that is NEEDED either. I think the basics that I like to have are nursing pajamas, which are especially nice in the hospital. And a couple shirts in case you go out somewhere and want to be extra discrete. Besides that, cloths when pregnant and after shouldn’t be something to stress about. You don’t need a whole wardrobe. I’m even kind of regretting buying what I bought because I know that in about 20 weeks, I won’t fit into half the stuff I bought.

In with the New Year. Out with resolutions.

Every year, it seems like we all resolve to do something new for the coming year. This year I will lose weight, eat healthy, get a promotion, and buy a house…whatever it might be. It’s always some big goal that we are determined to reach with a wicked tenaciousness. In the first few months at least. We start out hitting all the targets to our goals. Keeping on track and staying high with hope and expectation. If in the end, you reach those goals, then congratulations. You are amongst the slight few that actually follow though. Not saying that most of us don’t have the willpower to succeed. But face it, things happen. Things change. Situations change and things don’t always go as planned. Therefore, if you’re like me, always making a new year’s resolution and never really reaching it, then it could end up being more of a negative thing than positive. It’s good to have goals and aspirations but at what cost?

Last year, I resolved to eat healthy, exercise, and lose weight. I stayed on track for a couple months. Well, kind of. Occasionally, I would falter and go off track. One night I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up watching movies and ate a bunch of ice cream with crushed up cookies inside. But that didn’t quite hit the spot, so I heated up a brownie and had brownie and ice cream. After I ate it, I was left feeling like a failure. As if everything that I had done up to that point was wiped away with one night of bad choices. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling defeated. I was angry with myself for not eating healthier and for not following through with my plan. It affected my mood and my self-worth. So, it makes me ask myself the question, “How is this making my new year better?” How is something that started out being so exciting being twisted into this warped perception of winning or failing? I had a few more moments like that until I finally gave up, stating I couldn’t do it, and went about my normal life. Not worrying about my choices, food or resolution. I have to say, I was much happier. My days were filled with devoting extreme attention on my family. Playing with the boys, taking them places, doing things, making sure Stefan was doing good in school, feeding a flourishing relationship, etc… I had no time to worry about my diet and such. There was too much going on. So bottom line is, I stuck to my “resolution” for about 3 months. From that, I lost about 4 pounds. That’s with doing everything I possibly could to be active and healthy. I started out 2013 at about 135 pounds. Not heavy by any means. My main goal was to lose the last of the baby flab and to firm up. Now of course I got pregnant in 2013 so, in October, I started gaining pregnancy weight. But, my weight before I got pregnant (In September) was about 110. Which if you know me, is perfect for my size. I have a very small frame and I still looked and felt extremely healthy. Looking back, I realize I didn’t have to put so much stress and focus into it. My diet started out delicious but I was so deprived of the foods I wanted and in the times when I felt the most weak and had the biggest cravings, I would cave in and eat more than anything. By throwing away my resolution and just living my life, I ended up unintentionally reaching my goals. Things just happened. I guess if something is meant to be, it will happen. It doesn’t matter what the goal or resolution is.

So why don’t we all just throw resolutions to the wind this year? How about we focus on just trying to be better people. Let’s focus on “paying it forward”. Or maybe being a more patient parent or having a new attitude and thinking positively. Let’s resolve to help people in need. Stop being petty. Stop talking about people behind their back. Perhaps cut down on cursing. Baby steps are key. Or, if you must resolve to a huge goal, break it down into baby steps (a bunch of small goals to equal one big goal). That way, you’ll have many small accomplishments and it might make it easier to accomplish. There’s no use on starting out a new year with stress of a resolution picking at the back of your brain. Do yourself a favor, just live 2014 to the fullest. Live, Laugh, Love, and ENJOY LIFE!

Thoughts on Adoption

Being pregnant, I’ve been reading a lot about babies and pregnancy and adoption. Not that adoption is for me. I am looking forward to being a mom again. However, as I browse through articles and YouTube videos, I cannot help but to read and soak in some of the information I’m seeing about adoption and form my own opinions.

First of all, I think adoption is an amazing thing. Anyone who puts their baby up for adoption should be commended.  They didn’t want the baby, cannot take care of it or cannot afford it. I’m sure there are other reasons but I assume those are the top ones. People put up their babies because it’s for the best interest of the baby. Or both baby and mom. What are the alternatives to adoption if you don’t want to keep the baby? Well, just look in the news. Mothers abandon their babies, don’t take care of them properly, abuse them, and sometimes kill them. It’s heartbreaking, that’s why I think that anyone with enough courage to put their baby up for adoption for whatever reason you have, should get a big pat on the back.

I’m assuming the emotional battle with that though is the “hope” that your baby has a better life than you could provide. “I hope a great family adopts the baby”, “I hope the baby has many options in life”. Etc.…

On a second note: After doing some light research about orphanages, it’s apparent to me that orphanages in America are amongst the best in the world. In Ethiopia, women often relinquish their children due to the fact that they cannot feed them. Even older children are put into orphanages. Which hurts my heart because even though they will likely get slightly better care, I wonder what is going through those little kids minds? In a few documentaries, it was proved that in many of the overseas orphanages, the children had very poor hygiene. Including not brushing their teeth, hair, changing diapers regularly, showering regularly, and taking proper medications when needed. And although children are fed in these homes, it’s often not much more than they would get if not in the orphanage.

In Romania, there was a study done on the dramatic effect on brain development with children in orphanages. Many children are kept in a crib for the first year with no visual stimulation (or otherwise). They are deprived of the physical bond that is so crucial to development. The children in these circumstances lack the ability to form a relationship over time and will often self-harm. In almost every documentary you see about orphanages overseas, it appears that the children are raised almost as you’d raise cattle.

In China, families can only have 1 baby. Most families (women) prefer to have boys because it is believed that once the child is older, he will stay, take care of his family, and carry on the family name. It is believed that girls will grow up, get married, and move away. Because of this, many women in China give their newborn girls up for adoption, abandon them, or kill them. If a family has more than one baby and chooses to keep it, they are charged a very high fine from the government. This kind of population control could go awry in the future. Already, there are 75% boys in the schools. What happens 15 years from now? All of these children are grown and there are not enough girls to marry to every boy. Does this mean that there may be a threat to the girl’s safety as they get older? Is there a possibility of women being kidnapped, abused, raped, etc.…? More so than what already happens?

Because of all of the red tape in adoption, over the last 5 years, children adopted into the US has dropped about 50%. As I talked to a few of my friends about this, their opinion was, “Good, there is plenty of children right here in the US that need help. Let’s help our own children first!” This is a very understandable point and one that I will not criticize. Now, this is just my opinion…but children are children. PERIOD! No matter where in the world they are. They need love, stability, and family. I personally feel that people who are looking to adopt should adopt the neediest children. Be it children/babies overseas that are starving or malnourished or have been in a home for a few years or special needs children. Even older children. It is a fact that most adoptive parents want babies. What about the toddlers and older? Are they destined to just stay in state homes and orphanages? In addition, what is the effect of not having constant love from a family? Hugs, kisses, physical connections, and bonds. Those are foreign concepts to many of the children I speak of.

The problem is, adoption can be, and often is a long drawn out process. This is especially true in overseas adoptions. So much is involved. It’s a simple process but a complex journey at the same time.

•First adoptive parents need to contact an agency and choose a country to adopt from

•Then you fill out the application and pay the application fee

•Many people have to go to educational classes about raising an adopted child

•Home studies are done along with interviews and physical evaluations

•They scrutinize your medical records, bank statements, tax returns, birth certificates, marriage license, references, employment and family history.

•There’s more paperwork

•You need to get passports if adopting from another country. Fingerprinting and FBI background checks.

All of this before you get a referral to a child. Then, you will fill out more forms so that the US can evaluate whether or not this child qualifies to be adopted.

•Paperwork is reviewed. In which is a process that takes months and in some cases, years to complete. Even after all of that, there is a lot of red tape and paperwork after the adoption.

Some people, I mean great families that could provide the world to a child in need, often are not able to adopt. It makes me wonder how celebrities can get through this process so quickly and so often.

It seems to me that with any adoption, the process could be sped up a bit. And it should be. Why not try to get these kids into the homes of great loving families as quickly as possible? I still stand by my original opinion about adoption from all sides being a great idea. I just think that the process needs to be revamped and many people need to stop being so close-minded about just wanting babies or just wanting American babies. This post is not intended to scare anyone who is thinking about putting a baby up for adoption. However, I do know that if you choose adoption for you baby, you can work through an agency and actually PICK who your baby goes to. This is very helpful because this could totally bypass your baby from ever having to go to foster care or an orphanage. Additionally, don’t condemn or criticize people for adopting babies from overseas. Regardless of where the child comes from, it’s obvious that he or she needs a family and love. Congratulate the person for having the courage to go through everything they did to help a child in need and accept it into their family as one of them.

I was watching this standup act from Sarah Silverman yesterday and she talked about how a woman was sitting there breastfeeding her baby with 4 other kids all running around her and she was talking about puppies and about how people should always get their puppies from a shelter instead of a breeder. And Sarah Silverman said, “You should get your people from a shelter. They do have “People puppies!” I thought it was funny and thought I would share.

Till next time…

The Single Life...

So, I mentioned to my friends that a new blog post was coming about what it means to be single and as I stayed up late the last few nights thinking about it…I have no idea what being single means. I know what it means to ME but I’m sure that my contortion of the definition of the word is by no way accurate to what it should mean.

So far, being single has been somewhat lonely. Of course, I have my boys that keep me busy and occupy my free time and I have to say, I love that! It seems that my “single life” is all about being a mother, busting my hump at work, doing schoolwork, and cleaning. Any free time I get is spent mindlessly browsing Facebook, reading other people’s happenings. It is lonely. I’ve had a significant other for the past 15 years of my life, nonstop. It was as if I jumped from one failed relationship into another, and it’s not that I want a relationship right now. Quite the opposite actually. I could list a plethora of things that I “miss” but really, those things are just ideas of what I wish I had. A companion. Someone to confide in and appeal to. Someone appealing to me. For so many years, I have been in this relationship struggle that consisted of nothing desirable or intimate but rather degrading and fraudulent. I miss the things I never had and that is what makes this time so lonely. There is this part of me that wants to find someone to fill the lonely times but I have to confess, those lonely times only come at night when the kids are asleep and I’m up by myself. I feel so isolated, deserted, and cut off from humanity. In these moments, I’m solitary. Abundantly hollow and thoughtless.

When I think of being single, I think of freedom. Yes, I can go to the store without an accusation or fight. I can give googley eyes to some stranger I think is stunning. I can give the guy at church my phone number. I can have male friendships. I can call up that old “friend” at 2AM…I can make my own decisions whether they are good or bad. The choice is mine. I like that.

Now, I’m not saying that being single means whoring around but come on, everyone wants companionship at some point, be it lasting or temporary. What is so wrong with that? It’s liberating. Its like eating a ham sandwich every day for years and years and one day, a pastrami on rye comes along and it looks so delicious an smells so good. Well, if you’re out of ham (single), why not have some of that pastrami? You don’t have to commit to eating the whole damn sandwich but nobody ever said that there was anything wrong with eating half of it. Eat what you want and put the rest aside for later. Who knows, you may want more later. I’m not looking for a different kind of ham. I want the “partner in life” kind of sandwich. The Philly cheese steak of relationships. But now that the ham is gone, the pastrami will certainly do for now. Do you catch my drift or is my food metaphor just a rambling of my hungry stomach making me not make any sense at all right now? Anyway, I’m just saying that there is no reason to live life like a nun or a monk just because you don’t have anyone specific in your line of sight.

Being single isn’t bad. It’s just a state of being. I guess it means something different to everyone. It has helped me gain independence and a sense of self. It surely revealed a different side of me that I was never sure was there. It revealed a girl who is sure of herself and knows what she wants and is determined to get what she wants. I care less about what other people think and more about how I perceive myself. Being single helped me to understand ME. So far, it has helped me realize that I DO know what I want, eventually. Right now, I’m content being single and free. Uncontrolled and lively. I’m content calling that guy from my past up at 2AM on some random night…to help me clean my kitchen or fold laundry. I’m content having open options. I’m content being single. Be it lonesome or not, it’s fun and unhampering. I can capture small moments of life that I couldn’t before. It’s deliverance into a new state of being. The feeling IS of seclusion and informality but it’s a feeling that one needs to learn to cope with and manage.

Being single isn’t bad. I embrace it. Sovereignty without lies. I don’t want it all right now. I need nothing but what I have at this very moment, my two little boys who lay sleeping beside me. I have no need for any of my “wants”. I am satisfied and grateful for the minimal entities that I have. Which reminds me of a Socrates quote I read years ago that stuck with me……

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; People of worth eat and drink only to live.

Which to me translates to…I need only what I have because I’m happy and alive. I eat and drink only to live and lead a happy life.